05 March 2014

Blondes Are Always Better

Fact. And I'll prove it.

Wait as true as it may be, I'm getting ahead of myself at the sheer wit of it all. Let's start at the beginning shall we?

It was time to get this little lady back home for some family lovin' and kitchen frolockings. With that in mind, come Saturday morning, I  pelted across the station pavements with all my might, dragging my chubby, discordant case behind me whilst nipping and snubbing at many o' peoples toes along the way. I might of come to a halt and reassessed the situation if I wasn't in far too much of a happy bubble to plump my butt down on that train seat. And quite frankly, I couldn't have given two hoots at the time. Scandalous.

The train zipped off & I stumbled into Romsey in no time at all to behold Mama Salmon waiting on the other side in all her 5ft glory. She was a vision of Hampshire soaked sunshine. Sadly, Mr. S had decided to pop to Wales to visit my grandma so there was no handsome man to greet me. Alas, throwing my case over my shoulder and very nearly throwing my shoulder over too, I sauntered over to greet the lovely lady. 
Now when I say sauntered, I think it was more along the lines of a wailing cat dragging a lame leg and admitting defeat with a grimace to rival the grinch. Nevertheless, I reckon I worked it. Some people are just born with such talents you see. Bad luck honey.

Back to the case in hand my friends, or should I say whisk (Oh word wit. Another talent!)
Nothing in life is better than a Blonde. Pinky promise & scout's honour. But I guess having me in your life means you already knew that, right? 

So what's the big deal with these blondies you ask? These are tantalisingly sweet & devlish. Disgustingly addictive. Satisfyingly sweet & certainly know a thing or two in the art of seduction. These are downright outrageous tarts I tell you. 

Uh-huh that's right, it's time to crack out the kitchen whisk again!
The name's Blonde. James Blonde.

I know you're pining for a close up of these utter babes so here you go...

Let me formally introduce you to...The Golden Ones.

These are dripping with sweet juicy raspberries, encased in a light, fluffy, crumbly crunch brownie. Even better is the playful smattering of smooth, gooey silk white chocolate that clings to the tongue in euphoric delight. 
There's simply no reason to resist these bewitching beauties...they're made for temptation.

Let's get down and dirty with these playful monsters.

Blondie Ticklers:
213g all-purpose plain flour
150g caster sugar
1 tsp baking powder
3 eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract
175g unsalted butter (I used stalk margarine)
1 punnet of juicy raspberries
200g bar of white chocolate

Preheat your oven to 180°C, 350°F, gas mark 4.

Whip out a square tin and grease it up with a good splodge of butter. 
Dusting it with some flour, set it aside ready for the magic to happen a bit later on.

Start by measuring out your flour, giving it a good seeing to with the sieve and slinging it into a medium sized bowl.

Sneakily add in your baking powder at the same time. 

It's time to get your eggs crack-a-lackin! Plop them into a separate small bowl & whisk them up to your hearts content until they're all light, fluffy & bubbly. 

Everyone knows of course, that blondes are adorable due to their bubbly natures... Go figure.

Attend to sorting out your sugar & drop it into your main bowl, straight on top of the flour.
Grab your buttah, measure it out and slop it all into your bowl so that it can blend magically into the sugary mountain of amazingness. 

I like to rip up the margarine in my hands because I'm a blonde beast. 

No, I find it just makes it easier when it comes to mixing all the goods together! But I could be if I wanted to...you know, be a blonde beast and all that.

It's time to get this baby all whipped up! Drop in your vanilla extract and gradually slipping in your egg mixture a lil at a time, let your whisks create the beautiful goods.

If you want to keep it old-school & get your vintage vibes flowing, by all means, work those hiding arm muscles and whip it up with a wooden spoon. 
Being a blonde, as you well know means I don't have time for such absurdity. One must spend such precious time flinging their golden locks about in the gleaming sunshine.

It doesn't happen often I must admit.
Damn English weather.

Say hola to the chocolate party! 

If it's still intact & you haven't gobbled it all up, rip open your chocolate bar and break it up into decent sized squares. Chop it all up into manageable sized chunks, however big/ small you want them. 

I like mine with a little somethin' somethin' to get your teeth into so I opt for a slightly larger size.

How utterly outrageous.

I promise to turn my back & not utter a word to anyone if you want to just test the adequacy of the chocolate before it's plumped into the mix. No judgement will occur whatsoever.

Done? Greedy bitch.

Mix it all in, darling.

Chop up your raspberries into halves. When you chuck them into the mixture their bright juices will soak into the creamy sea of batter...

Once you've gently folded in the raspberries, unearth the floured tin you prepped earlier and pour the mixture into the pan. 

Spread out the lovin'. 

No need to be neat here, you're not running for a beauty pageant.These blondies are a wondrous specimen in themselves...any fine tuning would be wasted labour.

Hard life being so goddam fine. 

Let them toast themselves in the beating heat for roughly 20-25 minutes or until an enviable golden glaze smatters across their skin. 

When the fork comes out clean, you know you're on to a winner. The white chocolate will still be a molten, gooey, fudgey mess amongst the golden base but that's what you're aiming for - the silken chocolate will firm up as it cools.

That's if they aren't gobbled up before you get them out the pan.

Let em' do their thang and chill for a bit in all their gleaming aurora. 

Whilst I personally think they taste just that lil bit better slightly toasty, you don't want to ruin the magic by burning off half your tastebuds in the process. So keep yo' dirty mitts off for now.

Trust me, these blonde hips don't lie.

Oh look, they're ready for their close-up. The vain lil' devils. Absolutely shameless.

Mind you, who could blame them when their glowing halos give Keith Lemon's gleaming lion mane a run for it's money? 

Just one flick of a wink from these tinkers and you'll swoon.

Oh go on. Potter over to the kitchen and whip up some of these playful scamps. 
Once you taste a bit of blonde you won't look back.

Serving suggestion: snuggled up in a home build fort of duvets, slurping on a frothy vanilla cafe latte. Utter Bliss.

{Source for 'Life is better Blonde' image: http://www.coolchaser.com/graphics/22985}


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