04 May 2014

Tutti-Frutti Fruitcake

So sure enough, this doesn't win first place as a gloriously fancy-pants, super swanky little number but sometimes there's nothing better than a big ol' slab of plain Jane. 

The quiet, unnoticed ones tend to be full of all the juicy good stuff after all, just so you know...

Up until now, I've attempted to bring you some rather fanciful munchies but this messy cake lacks all of the billowing shenanigans & audaciously puts all that she has to offer on full display. Shameless.

Allow me to let you in on an undisclosed secret. Sometimes the beautiful really are just all show and tell but lack the inner pizzazz and...well, munch. 

A sherbet pink raspberry macaroon infused with rose petal sure is one sassy lil' lady but at the end of the day how the heck are you meant to get your teeth into one of those? You want the goods delivered to your rumbling belly, not for it to crumble all down ya top, am I right?

So behold the tutti frutti cake! 

Just a handful of simple ingredients all smushed into one rich, yummy delight full of juicy flavour! The best part? Everything is fruit in some form or the other so it's basically like eating a slice of sunshine from the health Gods. Plus you can load it all onto a fork and your belly will sing like Mary poppins in glee!
Not a lap of sad little crumbs in sight.

Slither a slice (or three) for breakfast, drizzle with some honey and a spoon of greek yoghurt and your dazzling smile will pull that sleepy sun back into the murky skies. 

After all, eat diamonds for breakfast & you'll sparkle all day long! Go on, you're worth it.

Tutti-Frutti Ingredients:

225g raisins
220g sultanas
175g dried cranberries
Handful of glace cherries (optional)
250g Self-raising flour
2 teaspoons cinnamon
1 teaspoon mixed spice
250ml orange juice (I substituted 200ml for coconut water)

Preheat your oven to 180°C, 350°F, gas mark 4 & prep a cake tin by greasing & lightly sprinkling some flour to make a non-stick base.

Measure out your liquids using a measuring jug and pour them all into a large mixing bowl...

I have absolutely no doubts that you fine lads & lasses know how to pour juice into a bowl so don't think i'm being a patronising ninny by dropping in some process photos... 

Judging by the constant pings of snapchat updates, everyone loves a cheeky snapshot...it makes for a more 'well-rounded' visual experience after all!

Grab yo raisins, measure em' out...

By golly, you've guessed right buster - now do the same with your sultanas & dried cranberries & sling them into the bowl...

Such a clever cookie, aren't you?

Give it all a big ol' dirty mix around...

I added in a small handful of chopped up glace cherries since I saw the gleaming balls of stickiness lurking away in the spices cupboard but the choice is totally yours mis amigos! 

Grating in some eating apples would also be a tasty little addition if you had some bruisers that needed using!

Chuck em' in, mix, stick some cling film over the top & them them get all close & personal to mingle in their juices. I let mine chill for about 2 hours as I'm an impatient tart but if you want your mix to be extra rich, let them render-vous overnight.
Shocking behaviour I know, they've only just met after all. Tsssk. 

No beating around the bush where this lot are concerned.

Once the fruit & juices have done their thang, it's time to add the dry bits to the mix!

Measure out your flour & spices & sieve it all gradually into the bowl of fruity goodness...

Time to get crack-a-lackin' on those summer bikini bods. 
Today's agenda...working those triceps.

Pick up a sturdy utensil & getting a nice sturdy grib on it, slowly raise your arm into the air & then lower it into the bowl.

Taking your time to perfect the technique, rotate the utensil in a clockwise direction, scooping it in wide arches to maximise the burn of your muscle.

That was one rep. Now repeat 2 sets of x10 reps. A workout whilst you bake, you can thank me later!

Oh enough, I'll leave the gym babble for twitter. Just mix the bloomin' mess until it's all coated in sticky fruity yumminess.

You should end up with a golden mixture with a slight airy, mousse-type consistency! Perfecto...a sign from the health Gods that what we're whipping up is light, fluffy, nutritious & deeeelicious!

Unearth your pre-preapred pan, scrap your mix into the base & spread it round so that the currants can snuggle on down into the nook & crannies. 

Such outrageous critters...they'll do anything to reunite in dark corners. 

Pop your baby into the bleatin' heat & let it cook itself into a bronzed babe for about 45 minutes or until she's had her fair share of vitamin D rays... Hello, no one wants a burnt shrivelled raisin. 

Now after letting this cheeky princess cool herself down after all her fruity tom-foolery, I decided there was something missing. She was lookin' a bit exposed so I took it upon myself to tone her naughty behaviour riiiight down & give her a lesson in the beauty of a silk veil. 

Translucent & seductive enough by flashing glimpses of the coveted cash but enough to stop the scamp from laying it all bear for the lads. Mystery is the key to the heart.

So is some sticky icing.

Bowl, icing sugar, water, spoon...hey presto! You're an icing God.

Slather it over your masterpiece & let it saliciously drip its way into all the sneaky lumps and bumps, crevices & the like. 

This is the only time & place where a divet is truly welcomed.

Get your teapot whistling, crack out some fine china & fill it to the brim with a scorchin' bevvie of tea.

After that sweaty & arduous workout putting you poor thing through your paces, it's about time you snuggled on down with a chunky wedge of replenishment bursting with tutti-frutti delight!

Job well done.


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