05 January 2015

Life's a Piña Colada Blondie

Yes I like Piña Coladaaaas and getting caught in the rain *dum dum*
I'm not much into health food, I am into champagne...[& blondies as it happens]. 

Just me? Alright then, you miserable so'n so's. 

Take a peep at these teasing Caribbean tantalisers & I think you'll find yourself reassessing the situation here...

So I thought it was about time to get this little lady back in the kitchen - not because it's 'where I belong' before one of you cheeky chappies makes that petulant quip.
No no, it's because my pinny was looking far too rubba-dub dub clean & the trusty ole' whisk hadn't had a dust trim for a while. It was time to get some eggs crack-a-lackin & lips happily smackin'!

As I was doing my hurrr this rather unappetising morning I spied with my little beady eye a stonkin' big bottle of pineapple Malibu lurking amongst the coat shadows. How utterly splendorous! 

With that, I thrust my hand around its smooth shaft & pulled it out into the shiny beacon of daylight... 'Yesss you'll do just fine' I thought! Let's get you pumpin', rollin' & groovin' with some devilish hand-mixing action. And alas after all that naughty tomfoolery these Pina Coada Blondies erupted!

Gooey, sticky & summertime rich..they know a thing or two about hitting that secret sweet spot. How cheeky!

These boozy woozy slabs of ecstasy are like a happy haze of Caribbean dreams. Think lazy strolls across white-washed sands, fruity explosions of toe-tingling satisfaction & getting your tongue salivating at the prospect of indulging in copious amounts of sex on the beach. Need I say more? Bewitching bronzed beauties made simply to tempt & lure our sugar-craving souls...

You know the score, go get your hands at the ready & pump up a batch of these golden sugar nuggets to satisfy that insatiable appetite of yours you naughty monster!

It's time to get dirty, filthy & notoriously messy with the whisk.

Filthy Piña Colada Blondies: 

288g all-purpose flour

280g salted butter, melted
1 1/2tsp baking powder
1 tsp salt
330g light brown sugar
100g granulated sugar
3 large eggs
2 1/2 tsp white rum (I chose pineapple malibu)
150g white choc chips
71g dried/fresh pineapple, sliced n'diced
Desiccated coconut (optional for sprinkling)
120g chopped macadamia nuts (optional)

Preheat your oven to 180°C, 350°F, gas mark 4.

Gather all your bits n'bobs & grab yourself a square shaped tin & get it all greased up & slippery with a nice knob of butter. Dust it with a bit of flour & it's all ready to rumble for some Malibu magic later on!

Measure out your flour & sieve it throughly to get out any lumps n'bumps that might play mischief & try to scupper your masterpiece. Pour this into your ready & waiting mixing bowl. 

Whilst you're at it, you mise well plop in your baking powder and sneaky touch of salt.

Pop your butter into a pan & let it melt into one pipin' hot mess of swirling, twirling golden deliciousness! Set this aside for some fun later on.

Measure out your sugars & without a second thought, mount them atop your flour just happily chilling in your mixing bowl.

It's time to crack open that bit of fruity fusion & get the juices flowing! If you're using dried pineapple then go ahead & measure it out, pouring it into the mixing bowl. 

If you're using fresh pineapple like moi, tip it out onto a plate & without being too neat (as we all know that the messier the better) chop it all up into bite-sized pieces & chuck them into the bowl.

Get your egg & crack it in for a crackin' time as it gets up close & juicy with the pineapple. 

So as to not let the butter get too jealous, now's the time to pour in that creamy goodness along with the sweet juices of your white rum. It's like a sugar dream of Caribbean delights getting high in that one little bowl!

If you fancy getting some more nuts in on the action then hit up some desiccated coconut crumbs & slip them into the mix! 

This is where this baby comes alive! Get your mix on & get whipping to create a little somethin' somethin' to scream home about!

Time to get some naughty extras introduced to the party & what better way than with some pure angelic chunks of white chocolate? After all, there's no time to be plain n'boring in life...it's all about getting stuck in there & rollin' with some outrageously messy mistakes!

Plop them in, let the mixing do the sweet talking and get ready to welcome a creamy sea of ecstasy!

Once the deed is done, gently fold the goods into your pre-preapred dish & spread out the booze-cruise lovin'!

Slip them into the oven & let these blondie beauties sit back in the blazin' heat, toasting & roasting until they're some down-right show stopping tanned delights.

After about 25-30 minutes, or when the fork pulls out clean as a whistle, grab these nuggets before they sizzle away & let them cool on the side with a cheeky tipple. 

Whilst they do their own thing & settle back in their molten sticky chocolate goodness, distract yourself by putting your busy toes up & slurp on some of that juice for the soul still lurking about...hello Caribbean party!

Whip up some creamy smooth buttercream icing being careful not to knock over your boozy tipple in the process. Or do. You clumsy klutz you! What ever floats your booze-cruise boat...!

Slather that naughtiness all over the naked tanned chest of your blondies & watch your masterpiece swoon. 

If you have any extra nuts just hangin' about in full-frontal glory then chop 'em up & sprinkle them onto the holiday party!

I think all that rum has gone straight to their heads & some brash brazen scamps are demanding their close-ups. Bloomin' cheek of them.

One bite of these spine-tingling morsels & you'll be away dreaming of your own blissful adventures... What could be more sumptuous on this miserable January day? 

Go on, get your lips dirty around some filthy sweet exotic imagination.

A naughty indulgence worth all the pun n' games...you shan't be disappointed! 


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