22 February 2015

Pimp My Porridge


She's the new It girl, fashions new answer to Alexa Chung & the saliva-inducing trendy muse you all want to get your filthy mitts on...yes that's right, Porridge is the new black m'ladies. 

I'm not sure there's anything that can pull us from our snuggly sheets quite the same as the prospect of a steaming, thick n' creamy bowl of warming oaty sunshine other than the prospect of Mr. Beckham strolling round the kitchen cabinets in his tighty whities whipping up a stonkin' package of thick, meaty pancakes. Anyway, let's not get side-tracked here & get back on topic...oats, oats & more oats! 

Welcome to The Poached Salmons Wonder Porridge Emporium...


Don't get yourself stuck on the outdated, sloppy porridge train wreck by misplacing your creative juices & settling for a milky plain struggle in your measly bowl of ready brek. Sounds like a frightful experience if I'm honest! No, everyone knows that the coolest place to be is an elite member of the Porridge Club so get your oats, grab your box of delightfully delicious toppings, pour out some icy leche & let's get mixing up some fancy-schmancy, sweet & tangy bowl of pure oaty perfection! It's like a steamy hug you can devour in naughty delight...forget 50 shades ladies, this is where ecstasy is hiding! Rich, thick, creamy...I leave the rest to your imagination! 

Nothing will brighten up your mornin' & get you bouncing on your bed sheets like Willy Wonka quite like a cheeky nourishing bowl of sunshine so get your ladles at the ready my porridge pimps...

Pina Colada Island-Crusin' Porridge 

Refreshingly tropical, fruity & like spooning an exotic banana boat straight between your lips. Utterly dreamy.
For those saintly breakfast club-goers, I'll rest your anxious hearts & assure you that you get all the fruity & exotic pleasure without a drop of boozy bacardi...though if you want an extra morning wake up kick then I'm not gonna judge a lil somethin' somethin' slipped in! 
...now where'd I put my pineapple Malibu again? 


Hop onto the pineapple boat ride with : 50g oats, 250ml Alpro coconut milk, pinch of salt, 1/2 tsp honey, large handful fresh/frozen pineapple chunks, 1 tbsp coconut flakes (to garnish) 

Optional Extras: Chopped roasted nuts, dried fruits, sunflower seeds, dash of coconut oil or a sprinkling of health powders like protein, whey, baobab, spirulina!

  • Great recipe inspiration here

Saucy Berrylicious Crumble 
Tumble Porridge

Keep your mornings patriotic & all-things notoriously British with this cult classic crumbly pud. A fabulously delicate breakfast treat bursting with succulently sweet, juicy very-berry summer fruits. Whip up this pretty pink bowl of exploding British sunshine & serve alongside a tangy dollop of vanilla frozen yoghurt or a comforting spoon of thick sweet custard creaminess...tally-O!




Watch your heart melt & crumble with : 50g oats, 250ml milk, 1 tbsp custard powder,  1 tsp honey/ maple syrup, 1 tsp cinnamon, chopped up fruit stewed down in a bit of water ( e.g. blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, peach, apple)& a crushed up oatmeal cookie/ muffin or a handful of nutty granola sprinkled on top. with 

Accompany with : A large dollop of greek yoghurt or frozen yoghurt. If you want to go the extra mile, whip up a steamy bowl of creamy custard & spoon atop your crunchy bowl of goodness!
  • Recipe inspiration here 

Jammin' Chocolate Smarties Porridge
 With Fresh Berries

Kick-start your boring working day with a spot of childish tomfoolery by taking things back to their retro-heydays & after-school tuck-box stops at the corner shop with a pack of sugar-shelled smarties! If the thought of exporting data analysis spreadsheets doesn't get your mojo firing come morning then let this sly little tart do the work with its' jam packed punch of fun! 


Go cocoa for a smartie-pants fix-up with: 50g oats, 250ml milk, dash vanilla extract, 2 tsp cocoa, 2 tsp brown sugar, dollop of raspberry jam, sprinkling of smarties on top with chopped up fresh berries.

Accompany with : A delicate cup of lavender earl-grey tea or an icy glass of fresh tropical juice!


Bangin' Banoffee Sticky Toffee Porridge

A concotion for the wickedly naughty & those who can't crack open their sleepy peepers before midday without a buzz of sugar goodness! A bowl of creamy caramel warmth that mashes to pure perfection alongside the bursting smoothness of banana infusion! Get your spoons into this squidgy fudge case of delicious thrills!


Spoon this creamy, drool-worthy stickiness with : 50g oats, 250ml milk, drop of caramel essence, 1 tbsp cocoa or 1 tsp expresso powder, 1 tbsp agave syrup drizzled atop, 1 banana chopped up & stirred through & a handful of choc chips to garnish! If you're feeling extra decadent & indulgent, sprinkle over a crushed up ginger nut for a flavour explosion. 

Accompany with : A hearty mug of pipin' morning coffee or ginger-lemon herbal tea!


Sweet As Syrup Vanilla-Apple Maple Porridge 
Topped with Crunchy Pecans

Deliciously creamy & beautifully sweet, this bowl of sticky sumptuous flavour is guaranteed to hit all of your sweet spots in all the right ways. Packed full of satisfying flavour & stuffed with a crunchy pack of bulging tasty nuts, this is your mornings answer to sweet-nothings exchanged between the bed-sheets. If that's not a good enough excuse to scamper to the kitchen then I don't think we can be friends after all...!


Crunch into Canadian spirit with : 50ml oats, 250ml almond milk, 2 tbsp pure maple syrup stirred through, drop of vanilla extract, 1 tsp cinnamon, half a large red braeburn apple sliced & stewed to soften & a handful of crushed caramel-roasted pecan nuts sprinkled atop!

Accompany with : Chuck in some optional extra surprises like chopped up dried apricots or a handful of juicy raisins & serve alongside a freshly squeezed glass of orange juice!


Buzzin' Honey Roast Rhubarb Porridge Topped
With Crushed Pistachios


This is the antidote for all you busy bees buzzing about left, right & centre. An abundance of tender lazy sunshine sparkles from this bowl of sweet-tart yumminess. Tasting like a decadent treat of nutty caramel gluttony protecting a hive of secret healthy superfood extras,  prepare to set your tastebuds aflight & buzzing from the very first spoonful with this breakfast bowl fit for a queen bee! It's like indulging in a naughty dessert for breakfast which lets be honest, is the best way to rise n'shine on the right side of your sleepy abode! 


Hive five the delights of honey bees with : 50g oats, 250ml nut milk, 1 tsp brown sugar, 1 tsp rose water (optional), 2 tbsp honey, stewed rhubarb in rose water, sprinkling of crushed roasted pistachios (to garnish)

Accompany with : A big dollop of smooth greek yoghurt on the side!



 A happy tummy results from all things scrummy so start your morning right & wake up happy my lovely sunshines!



[Photo Source Inspiration: Pinterest]

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