04 March 2015

Bake My Cherry Well Cake

Now we all know there's a time & a place for being a lady of wonder & behaving like the all-American darling debutante who knows her waltz from her cha-cha & can reel off her spiel for world peace when she rests her precious lashes in her sleep. 
Now is not that time. 
Time to forget the glitz & glamour of rhinestones & pink chiffon bouffants, I'm bringing something stripped back, bare & mind-blowingly, cheek-glowingly scrumptious to the table. A bit of rough around the table so-to-speak. Forget the fancy, we need a bit of home-girl truth here, something a lil minxy & tickled with hunks of badness round the edges. Dare I say it...50 shades of naughty style. 

This little scamp may look all doe-eyed, innocent & terribly foolish but she holds a dark, inner secret. 
You my comrade, are a member of the naughty police & it is therefore your job to uncover such inaudible misdemeanours. Pick up your knife & plunge your sharp weapon into the cave of deep angelicity & put what is so terribly wrong, right by slowly & gently sinking your teeth into the delicious goods until the messy deed is done.

Tender, juicy slices of fluffy innocence rubbing up closely against a pack of moistly sweet nuts all interlaced with great big balls of bursting fun rubbed in a sticky glaze of ecstasy. 
Pure unadulterated filth. 
If one thing's for sure, you'll be a pretty darn happy camper after getting a taste of this baby. Got your interest yet? She does every time I can assure you. 

First things first though, how about a closer inspection of the captured beauty...?

What you'll need to get your hungry hands on:

For the main minx:
200g golden caster sugar
200g softened butter
4 large eggs
100g self-raising flour
100g ground almonds
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp almond extract

For the naughtily sloppy goods inside & all over:
175g sifted icing sugar
6 tbsp water with a drop of lemon extract
Flaked almonds (to garnish the bad boy)

Heat your love oven to a pipin' 180°C, 350°F, gas mark 4.

Measure out your flour & chuck it into your ready & waiting sieve...

But first, don't forget to add some baking powder to the mix to give the whole spectacle some oomph & get the goods lifting high towards the sky!

Give it all a good seeing to...no one has time to waste fretting over all the awkward lumps & bumps.

Get your nuts into the equation...easily forgotten but an essential to get the masterpiece moist, cooperative & simply dee-licious!

Get your happy little eggs out & whip them up with a firm hand to get the procedure crack-a-lackin!

Egg-celent hand action there!

Get your sticky hands on some smooth, creamy buttah lovin', weigh it up & chuck it into the bowl. 

I like to get messy with it so it snuggly mixes into all the juices so tear it up, mash it up & get down dirty with it!

Grab some almond extract & squirt a few drops of flavoursome juice into the creamy party.

Time to get some cheeky apparel in on the action so pull out your whisks & get them going, pumping out the creaming process...! 
How naughty. 

You'll be left with a mixture that's a lil' rough around the edges & not entirely an open sea of fluffy dreams but hey, the first time's never going to be a smooth ride is it?

It's all in the nuts! Those cheeky morsels keep the texture bouncin' so all's not plain sailin'! Such meddling mounds.  

Spoon the magic into your pre-prepared love dishes, smooth over the curves & crevices & pop them into your love oven to burn with passion until they're glowing with a lil' lovin'. 

It shan't take too long...a good seeing to for 25 minutes give or-take & the goods will be delivered!

Once they're fresh out the oven, they'll be too hot to handle & tender to fawn over for a while so leave them to cool down, do their thing & ready themselves for round two...

Crack out the fruity lubricants in the meantime! 
I chose a lip-smackingly sticky & chunky cherry morello jam but anything frutti-tutti does the job! 

 Word on the grape-vine is that raspberry goes down a right treat too...

How you doin' sunshine?

 Arrange the selected apparatus & get yourself going on round two you eager game players!

Smooth on the fruity magic with a strong firm hand, gliding it across the surface & ensuring a burst of flavour is captured across every inch of bare skin like so...

A truly magnificent sight to behold!

Add another bare body on top & we have a party masterpiece taking shape. 

Whip your spoons out again & mix together some thick, sweet coating to top it all off sugah.

Pour yourself the glaze on top & toss it about a bit until the shiny sticky liquid is oozing & dripping all atop, down the sides, stuck in the rims & well...everywhere. 

Top Tip: This isn't a job for pansies so there's no need to be preen & pristine here. Take the lead, be bold, be brash & absolutely remember that the messier the better! 

As you can never have too many nuts in the golden deed, grab another handful of the cheeky chappies. Flaked almonds that is...

Clean up that head of yours will you? No need to be so dirty. 

Why hello there plump juicy temptresses...up for going on top?

Course you are you filthy dare-devils! When are you never keen & ready?

And Voila...the deed is done! Good golly what a cherry pop!

Once that thumping, glowing cherry patiently waiting upon the smooth milky seas of sweet wonder is popped, you'll be complicit in a whole other world of sumptuous mischief, tom-foolery & gluttony. 
You naughty little thing, you. 

Anyone up for another round?


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