06 August 2016

Your Vibe Creates Your Tribe

Well hello there sunshine! The recent heatwave freak out and bipolar mood swings into torrential washout tantrums can only mean one thing right? The British summertime has come out to play! 

Unpredictable madam.

Anyway, back to the topic of today's discussion! Skipping away back to my little fiat 500, fi-fi after a catchup with one of my favourite soulful lady friends got me thinking about the nature of friendship and why we just 'get' certain people and others we repel like a magnet. I think it's an amazing concept how we can meet people who we just click like candy with and utter absolute nonsense to from the word go and other people we wouldn't touch with a bargepole; even if they were offering up a bowl of ice-cream, sprinkles and candy king sweeties. A tough offer to refuse, might I add.

The majority of us unknowingly share a certain type of belief pattern; a behavioural and emotional reliance upon expectation and the relationships we govern: we're people pleasers. So what comes as a 2-for-1 package with being a people pleaser? We fear rejection. 

So let's be real here, there is a whole myriad of ways that we can be rejected in life simply in terms of how we perceive, read and absorb subliminal and behavioural reactions from others. Sent a detailed, heart-felt text that took you hours to construct only to receive a simple 'k' in response? Boom! There goes your heart breaking. Someone on Instagram randomly unfollowed you? Smack! A virtual bitch slap in the face. Worse yet is when you skip downstairs in the morning and the one constant hairy little mutt that never fails to deliver unconditional love barely lifts an eyebrow when you waltz into the room. Not even when you pick up his darling lead. Bang. Thwack. Bash. Blow. Nail in the coffin! But do you want to know the truth? 

Shit happens yet the world continues to keep moving and grooving and by golly so can you! So a friend culled you from their whatsapp contacts: it hurts, it feels a bit like when uncle Roddy pinches your ass every time you visit (somewhat terrifying) but go with it, feel the resentment and then chuck it in your fuck it bucket and move on as you have far better things to attend to then some toxic person who doesn't appreciate your sass. You may be thinking along the lines of clueless and muttering "That's way harsh, Tai" but the fact that someone doesn't get you or pursue a friendship with you is not a personal attack upon you whatsoever. In fact it has everything to do with them and their choice to no longer have a fabulous person like you in their life. 

Friends grow apart, situations and circumstances chop and change as the seasons fly by and essentially, all of us grow and transform from the good and the bad.

At the end of the day, you can twist, contort, transform and change yourself into the juiciest, ripest and most beautiful peach on display but not everyone out there is going to like peaches. So quit trying to be the shiny prize for everyone around you and do yourself a favour by accepting you're not going to jive with everyone as not everyone can dance the rhythm of the same tune. 

A helpin' of home truth we could all do with listening to is that we're all adults and with that comes the power of choice. Choice is personal, it is flexible and offers freedom. In other words, choose the people who bring abundance, joy and difference to your life; the people who reaffirm your worth and turn away from those who hinder, debilitate and suck you of your positive energy. Don't feel guilty, you're entitled to say no just like any one else. 

My friend Carolyne put the process of friendship and 'gelling' in a beautiful way. Throughout life we are going to encounter an abundance of different people; some good, some bad and some the downright ugly. We meet people who bring an energy, a zeal, a lesson we didn't know we were looking for, the people who make us giggle till we pee our pants, the people who offer an extended helping hand no matter what, the people who make us a better person and the people who plant their roots in our lives only to grow and blossom as the friendship ages. These are the people we should hold onto as it is these very individuals who teach us that when we stop seeking approval for our self worth from others, it opens our eyes to the very fact it wasn't needed in the first place. 

So what happens when we meet the people who leave us feeling like a drained battery of sludge? We thank the universe for allowing us to experience their companionship, honour our needs and turn away. 

Experiencing the negative, the crude, the indifference, rejection and weirdness from others can really be seen as a gift of truth as it enables us to recognise the type of people we feel more at ease with; the people that make us feel at home on the sofa instead of awkwardly stood at the back door. When you realise what type of friendship truly gels with you then it allows you to show up, stand up and let yourself shine through. 

The world doesn't need another people-pleaser; what it truly needs is the real you. The you that isn't afraid to say no because you fear failure or rejection. The truth is that the failure lies in buying into people-pleasing as you're failing to be yourself and failing to honour what's right for you. 

Choose to be unashamedly authentic rather than fearfully insincere as the simple truth is that not everyone can be nor should be friends with everyone. That doesn't mean you should live without showing kindness as everyone deserves a touch of generosity but investing yourself in a friendship of toxicity is failing to treasure your own needs and worth. 

It's important to remember that when it comes to friendship and the time you choose to devote to others is entwined with quality, not quantity. 

Friendship, no matter how it manifests will always be what you make of it: either a blessing or a lesson. 

Not everyone is lucky enough to have a friend like you so step up to a world that seeks your approval; not one that gives it. 

[Photo Source Inspiration: Pinterest, Karine Cavalo, Gabriel Gurrola, Ian Schneider @ Unsplash.com]

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